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When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy child development How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they ask for How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration always generates better long-lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a number of the strategies Amy shares to assist you to become the mama or father you have actually always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (and a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main emotion underneath it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Wean A Toddler Who Loves To Nurse
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.