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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation consistently yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of mad children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we should want to give first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to settle the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Wean Your Baby Off Rocking To Sleep
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