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When I first came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy child development Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a main feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mom or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Http Peaceful Parenting Chaos
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.