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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion beneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we must want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as an individual. Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Husband Is Out Of Town And My Kids Are Better Behaved
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