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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and basically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts bring about healthy child development I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they ask for I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration always produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (and much more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of angry children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we should want to offer before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to settle the dispute. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. I Am A Good Parent Nosleep
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.