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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy child development I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
First, let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that collaboration always generates better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no framework for anything different. I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mama or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (and a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a great deal farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling under it
• Many angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be prepared to offer. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. I Am Easily Annoyed With My 4 Year Old
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.