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When I first became a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. I Am Not A Good Parent
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.I Am Not A Good Parent
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer I Am Not A Good Parent
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development I Am Not A Good Parent
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? I Am Not A Good Parent
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want I Am Not A Good Parent
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation always generates much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. I Am Not A Good Parent
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. I Am Not A Good Parent
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion beneath it
• A lot of mad children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … I Am Not A Good Parent
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we should be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. I Am Not A Good Parent
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. I Am Not A Good Parent
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? I Am Not A Good Parent
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to fix disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? I Am Not A Good Parent
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. But little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. I Am Not A Good Parent
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. I Am Not A Good Parent
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.