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When I initially became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. I Feed My Son
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.I Feed My Son
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach I Feed My Son
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also virtually every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development I Feed My Son
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? I Feed My Son
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want I Feed My Son
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration consistently yields much better lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. I Feed My Son
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. I Feed My Son
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … I Feed My Son
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. I Feed My Son
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. I Feed My Son
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? I Feed My Son
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? I Feed My Son
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. I Feed My Son
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. I Feed My Son
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.