Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. I Hate My Step Dad
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.I Hate My Step Dad
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer I Hate My Step Dad
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development I Hate My Step Dad
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history and finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? I Hate My Step Dad
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want I Hate My Step Dad
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation always produces better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. I Hate My Step Dad
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. I Hate My Step Dad
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key emotion below it
• The majority of upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … I Hate My Step Dad
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we must agree to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. I Hate My Step Dad
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. I Hate My Step Dad
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? I Hate My Step Dad
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? I Hate My Step Dad
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. I Hate My Step Dad
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. I Hate My Step Dad
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.