I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty – Just How I Applied Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Listen

Please note: This post contains affiliate links.

I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure exactly what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting method.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Offering your children everything they want I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that cooperation always yields better long-term results than harsh control.

Parents who embrace this design have figured out how to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint

• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.

Here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to help you to come to be the mom or dad you have actually always wished to be, and assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Identify the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and also much more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling beneath it

• A lot of mad children are actually frightened and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.

• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we should be willing to provide. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?

It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.

So exactly how can you become a positive parent? I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be a more positive mom or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. I Hit My Child And Feel Guilty


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

error: Content is protected !!