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When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. I Need A Hug
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.I Need A Hug
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer I Need A Hug
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reading blogs concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy child development I Need A Hug
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? I Need A Hug
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for I Need A Hug
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration always yields better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. I Need A Hug
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. I Need A Hug
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next scenario … I Need A Hug
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. I Need A Hug
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. I Need A Hug
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? I Need A Hug
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? I Need A Hug
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. I Need A Hug
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. I Need A Hug
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.