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When I initially came to be a mom, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. I Want To Listen To Me
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.I Want To Listen To Me
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach I Want To Listen To Me
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development I Want To Listen To Me
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? I Want To Listen To Me
First, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for I Want To Listen To Me
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation always generates far better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. I Want To Listen To Me
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often easier (as well as a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. I Want To Listen To Me
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … I Want To Listen To Me
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. I Want To Listen To Me
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. I Want To Listen To Me
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? I Want To Listen To Me
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? I Want To Listen To Me
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. I Want To Listen To Me
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. I Want To Listen To Me
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