Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. If I Have To Tell You One More Time
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.If I Have To Tell You One More Time
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan If I Have To Tell You One More Time
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I began reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also practically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy child development If I Have To Tell You One More Time
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? If I Have To Tell You One More Time
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they ask for If I Have To Tell You One More Time
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently yields better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. If I Have To Tell You One More Time
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. If I Have To Tell You One More Time
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … If I Have To Tell You One More Time
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we need to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. If I Have To Tell You One More Time
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. If I Have To Tell You One More Time
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? If I Have To Tell You One More Time
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? If I Have To Tell You One More Time
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. If I Have To Tell You One More Time
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. If I Have To Tell You One More Time
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.