Improve Behavior – How I Used Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Cooperate

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Improve Behavior
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. Improve Behavior

There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Improve Behavior

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Improve Behavior

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other commonly accepted parenting method.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Improve Behavior

Improve Behavior

In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.

Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Improve Behavior

Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Improve Behavior

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting results than strict control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued

• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint

• Going much deeper than mere external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Improve Behavior

I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Right here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to come to be the mother or daddy you’ve always wished to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Get to the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Improve Behavior

For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from cloud nine one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary feeling underneath it

• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.

• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Improve Behavior

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to receive from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as a person. Improve Behavior

This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Improve Behavior

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Improve Behavior

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Improve Behavior

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Improve Behavior

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Improve Behavior


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