In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual. – Just How I Applied Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Cooperate

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In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.

I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these concepts result in healthy child development In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring major wrongdoing

• Offering your children every little thing they ask for In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces better lasting results than strict control.

Moms and dads that embrace this design have learned to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Helping kids to establish self-restraint

• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to help you to become the mom or dad you’ve always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Identify the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and also more common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling underneath it

• A lot of mad children are really frightened and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager simply since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anybody to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.

Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I recommend any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. In Proverbs Child-rearing Is A Family Affair But Discipline Begins With The Individual.


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