Independent Kids – Exactly How I Chose Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Behave

Please note: This post contains affiliate links.

Independent Kids
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Independent Kids

There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to recognize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Independent Kids

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Independent Kids

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these ideas result in healthy and balanced child development Independent Kids

Independent Kids

During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Given his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Independent Kids

Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding major misbehavior

• Providing your children whatever they ask for Independent Kids

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting results than forced control.

Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s fundamental character traits

Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-control

• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Independent Kids

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Here are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to assist you to come to be the mommy or daddy you’ve always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Identify the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Independent Kids

For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a main emotion below it

• Many angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Independent Kids

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we should be eager to give. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Independent Kids

This does not imply you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Independent Kids

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …

Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any person to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Independent Kids

Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.

Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Independent Kids

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I advise anybody who is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Independent Kids

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Independent Kids


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

error: Content is protected !!