Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing articles concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Many mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to get from our child, we must be willing to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Is An Effective Positive Discipline Strategy
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.