Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Is Peaceful Parenting Better
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Is Peaceful Parenting Better
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Is Peaceful Parenting Better
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reading articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and practically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Is Peaceful Parenting Better
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Is Peaceful Parenting Better
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Is Peaceful Parenting Better
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that collaboration consistently generates far better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than mere external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Is Peaceful Parenting Better
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also extra typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Is Peaceful Parenting Better
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling under it
• The majority of angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Is Peaceful Parenting Better
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be prepared to give. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as an individual. Is Peaceful Parenting Better
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Is Peaceful Parenting Better
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Is Peaceful Parenting Better
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Is Peaceful Parenting Better
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Is Peaceful Parenting Better
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Is Peaceful Parenting Better
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.