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When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Is Positive Parenting Effective
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Is Positive Parenting Effective
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Is Positive Parenting Effective
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as basically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Is Positive Parenting Effective
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Is Positive Parenting Effective
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for Is Positive Parenting Effective
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Is Positive Parenting Effective
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and extra typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Is Positive Parenting Effective
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Is Positive Parenting Effective
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Is Positive Parenting Effective
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Is Positive Parenting Effective
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Is Positive Parenting Effective
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Is Positive Parenting Effective
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Is Positive Parenting Effective
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Is Positive Parenting Effective
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.