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When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
Initially, let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a main emotion below it
• Many upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Is Positive Parenting Solutions Worth It
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