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When I first became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently yields better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (and more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary emotion below it
• Most upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to receive from our child, we must agree to give first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Is Sam A Good Parent Why Or Why Not
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.