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When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Islam And Child Discipline
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Islam And Child Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Islam And Child Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing material regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also practically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy child development Islam And Child Discipline
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Islam And Child Discipline
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they ask for Islam And Child Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Islam And Child Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly much easier (as well as extra usual in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Islam And Child Discipline
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a primary feeling under it
• Most upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … Islam And Child Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to get from our child, we should be eager to provide. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Islam And Child Discipline
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Islam And Child Discipline
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Islam And Child Discipline
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Islam And Child Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about becoming a more positive mother or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Islam And Child Discipline
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Islam And Child Discipline
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.