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When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Jamaican Child Discipline
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Jamaican Child Discipline
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Jamaican Child Discipline
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began checking out blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and virtually every other commonly approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Jamaican Child Discipline
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Jamaican Child Discipline
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Jamaican Child Discipline
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation always produces far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Jamaican Child Discipline
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and also much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Jamaican Child Discipline
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a main emotion beneath it
• A lot of mad children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Jamaican Child Discipline
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we need to agree to give first. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Jamaican Child Discipline
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Jamaican Child Discipline
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Jamaican Child Discipline
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Jamaican Child Discipline
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. However little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Jamaican Child Discipline
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Jamaican Child Discipline
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.