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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Journey Back Talk
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Journey Back Talk
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Journey Back Talk
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reading material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and virtually every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Journey Back Talk
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Journey Back Talk
Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Journey Back Talk
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the fact that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Journey Back Talk
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and also me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Journey Back Talk
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion below it
• The majority of upset children are really anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Journey Back Talk
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we must want to give before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you respect them as an individual. Journey Back Talk
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Journey Back Talk
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Journey Back Talk
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Journey Back Talk
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. However gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Journey Back Talk
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Journey Back Talk
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