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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Keeping Your Child Safe
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Keeping Your Child Safe
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Keeping Your Child Safe
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reading articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development Keeping Your Child Safe
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Keeping Your Child Safe
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Keeping Your Child Safe
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that collaboration always generates far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Keeping Your Child Safe
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and also extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Keeping Your Child Safe
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Instead of combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• Many upset children are really anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following example … Keeping Your Child Safe
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be eager to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as a person. Keeping Your Child Safe
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Keeping Your Child Safe
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Keeping Your Child Safe
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Keeping Your Child Safe
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Keeping Your Child Safe
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Keeping Your Child Safe
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.