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When I initially came to be a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Kid Doctor Show
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Kid Doctor Show
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Kid Doctor Show
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reading articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development Kid Doctor Show
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Kid Doctor Show
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Kid Doctor Show
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Kid Doctor Show
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Kid Doctor Show
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling under it
• Many mad children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Kid Doctor Show
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to receive from our child, we have to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as a person. Kid Doctor Show
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Kid Doctor Show
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Kid Doctor Show
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Kid Doctor Show
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Kid Doctor Show
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Kid Doctor Show
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.