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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Kid Getting Dressed
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Kid Getting Dressed
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Kid Getting Dressed
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also virtually every other typically approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Kid Getting Dressed
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Kid Getting Dressed
Initially, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Kid Getting Dressed
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what occurs once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Kid Getting Dressed
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically much easier (and also extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Kid Getting Dressed
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That means they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key feeling below it
• Many angry children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Kid Getting Dressed
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we have to be ready to offer. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Kid Getting Dressed
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Kid Getting Dressed
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Kid Getting Dressed
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Kid Getting Dressed
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kid Getting Dressed
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Kid Getting Dressed
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.