Kid In The Morning – Just How I Chose Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Listen

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Kid In The Morning
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Kid In The Morning

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.

It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Kid In The Morning

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Kid In The Morning

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments and pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Dealing with power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how all of these principles bring about healthy child development Kid In The Morning

Kid In The Morning

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Kid In The Morning

First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Overlooking major misbehavior

• Providing your children everything they want Kid In The Morning

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates much better long-term outcomes than harsh control.

Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint

• Going deeper than mere external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Kid In The Morning

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Below are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mom or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her full potential.

Find the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

However we can progress a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Kid In The Morning

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key feeling beneath it

• A lot of upset children are in fact scared and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.

• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.

• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Kid In The Morning

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to agree to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Kid In The Morning

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Kid In The Morning

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …

Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to resolve the problem. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Kid In The Morning

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Kid In The Morning

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Yet bit by bit, you will make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest any individual who is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kid In The Morning

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Kid In The Morning


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

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