Kid Not Sharing – Exactly How I Applied Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Behave

Please note: This post contains affiliate links.

Kid Not Sharing
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Kid Not Sharing

There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Kid Not Sharing

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Kid Not Sharing

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first child was born. I started checking out material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development Kid Not Sharing

Kid Not Sharing

During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Considering his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Kid Not Sharing

First, let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding significant misbehavior

• Offering your children everything they want Kid Not Sharing

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration always yields much better long-lasting results than strict control.

Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Building a child’s foundational character qualities

Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued

• Helping kids to develop self-control

• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Kid Not Sharing

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.

Below are a number of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to come to be the mama or father you’ve always wished to be, and assist your child to reach his or her full potential.

Get to the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also much more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Kid Not Sharing

A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion below it

• Many mad children are really scared and/or sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Kid Not Sharing

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we need to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Kid Not Sharing

This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Kid Not Sharing

Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …

Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Kid Not Sharing

Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.

Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Kid Not Sharing

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.

I advise anybody who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Kid Not Sharing

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Kid Not Sharing


Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

error: Content is protected !!