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When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Kid Pushing Another Kid
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Kid Pushing Another Kid
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Kid Pushing Another Kid
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began checking out articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Kid Pushing Another Kid
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit for the moment. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Kid Pushing Another Kid
Let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Kid Pushing Another Kid
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Kid Pushing Another Kid
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Kid Pushing Another Kid
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Kid Pushing Another Kid
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we must be willing to offer first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. Kid Pushing Another Kid
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Kid Pushing Another Kid
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to fix the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Kid Pushing Another Kid
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Kid Pushing Another Kid
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kid Pushing Another Kid
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Kid Pushing Another Kid
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.