Kid Screming – How I Applied Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

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Kid Screming
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Kid Screming

There were a few books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”

I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Kid Screming

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Kid Screming

My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reading articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting strategy.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy child development Kid Screming

Kid Screming

Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.

Given his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Kid Screming

Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Disregarding significant wrongdoing

• Giving your children every little thing they want Kid Screming

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no boundaries

You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the reality that cooperation always produces far better long-term outcomes than strict control.

Parents who adopt this design have learned to promote:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Developing a child’s foundational character traits

Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-control

• Going deeper than plain external conformity and focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Kid Screming

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Below are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to evolve into the mama or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and help your child to reach his or her full potential.

Identify the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and a lot more common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Kid Screming

For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling below it

• Most angry children are really frightened and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.

• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Kid Screming

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we should want to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Kid Screming

This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Kid Screming

Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Kid Screming

Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some visitors may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.

So just how can you become a positive parent? Kid Screming

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Kid Screming

You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.

In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Kid Screming


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