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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Kid Sitting In Corner
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Kid Sitting In Corner
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Kid Sitting In Corner
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Kid Sitting In Corner
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Kid Sitting In Corner
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Kid Sitting In Corner
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation consistently generates better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Kid Sitting In Corner
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to come to be the mommy or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Kid Sitting In Corner
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main emotion under it
• The majority of upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Kid Sitting In Corner
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we should be willing to provide first. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. Kid Sitting In Corner
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Kid Sitting In Corner
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Kid Sitting In Corner
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Kid Sitting In Corner
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Kid Sitting In Corner
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Kid Sitting In Corner
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