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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out material about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting method.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they want Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation always yields better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mom or dad you have actually always wished to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also much more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a great deal further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a main feeling below it
• Most upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we have to be prepared to give. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. However little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve altered, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Kids Behavior Charts Ideas
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