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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Kids Compete
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Kids Compete
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Kids Compete
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles cause healthy child development Kids Compete
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Kids Compete
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Kids Compete
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that cooperation consistently produces much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Kids Compete
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Kids Compete
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• Most upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Kids Compete
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we need to be ready to provide. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Kids Compete
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Kids Compete
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Kids Compete
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Kids Compete
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Yet little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kids Compete
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Kids Compete
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.