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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Kids Don’t Listen
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Kids Don’t Listen
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Kids Don’t Listen
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and basically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Kids Don’t Listen
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Kids Don’t Listen
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Kids Don’t Listen
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration always generates far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Kids Don’t Listen
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mama or daddy you have actually always wished to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and extra common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Kids Don’t Listen
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main feeling below it
• A lot of mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Kids Don’t Listen
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as an individual. Kids Don’t Listen
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Kids Don’t Listen
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to deal with the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Kids Don’t Listen
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to settle disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? Kids Don’t Listen
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kids Don’t Listen
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Kids Don’t Listen
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