Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Kids Getting
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mommy.Kids Getting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Kids Getting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reading material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Kids Getting
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Kids Getting
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Kids Getting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates much better long-lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Kids Getting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mother or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her full potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (and more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Kids Getting
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• Many upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following example … Kids Getting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we have to want to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Kids Getting
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Kids Getting
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Kids Getting
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Kids Getting
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Kids Getting
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Kids Getting
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.