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When I first became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Kids How
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Kids How
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Kids How
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Kids How
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit temporarily. But in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Kids How
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Kids How
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Kids How
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often widely accepted (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Kids How
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key feeling below it
• A lot of mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Kids How
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you value them as a person. Kids How
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Kids How
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Kids How
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Kids How
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kids How
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Kids How
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.