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When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. Kids Listening To Teacher
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Kids Listening To Teacher
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Kids Listening To Teacher
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as practically every other commonly approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Kids Listening To Teacher
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. Yet in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Kids Listening To Teacher
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they want Kids Listening To Teacher
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always generates much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Kids Listening To Teacher
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (and also more typical in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Kids Listening To Teacher
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Kids Listening To Teacher
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we must want to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Kids Listening To Teacher
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Kids Listening To Teacher
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Kids Listening To Teacher
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Kids Listening To Teacher
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Kids Listening To Teacher
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Kids Listening To Teacher
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