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When I first became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Kids Listening
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Kids Listening
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Kids Listening
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Kids Listening
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to benefit for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Kids Listening
Initially, let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Kids Listening
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Kids Listening
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly much easier (as well as more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a lot farther towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Kids Listening
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a primary feeling below it
• Many mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Kids Listening
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Kids Listening
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Kids Listening
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to solve the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Kids Listening
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Kids Listening
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Kids Listening
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Kids Listening
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.