Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Kids Not Sharing Toys
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Kids Not Sharing Toys
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Kids Not Sharing Toys
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began checking out articles regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles cause healthy child development Kids Not Sharing Toys
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. But long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Kids Not Sharing Toys
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they ask for Kids Not Sharing Toys
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently generates far better long-term results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Kids Not Sharing Toys
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and also more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Kids Not Sharing Toys
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a key emotion under it
• A lot of upset children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Kids Not Sharing Toys
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. Kids Not Sharing Toys
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Kids Not Sharing Toys
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Kids Not Sharing Toys
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Kids Not Sharing Toys
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Kids Not Sharing Toys
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Kids Not Sharing Toys
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.