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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Kids Say The Funniest Things
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Kids Say The Funniest Things
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Kids Say The Funniest Things
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development Kids Say The Funniest Things
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Kids Say The Funniest Things
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Kids Say The Funniest Things
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces far better long-term outcomes than strict control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Kids Say The Funniest Things
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Kids Say The Funniest Things
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling under it
• Most upset children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Kids Say The Funniest Things
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be eager to give. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as an individual. Kids Say The Funniest Things
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Kids Say The Funniest Things
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to deal with the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Kids Say The Funniest Things
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, as well as the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Kids Say The Funniest Things
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kids Say The Funniest Things
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Kids Say The Funniest Things
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