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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Kids Saying Funny Things
There were a few books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Kids Saying Funny Things
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Kids Saying Funny Things
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began checking out blog posts concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, severe punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Kids Saying Funny Things
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Kids Saying Funny Things
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children everything they want Kids Saying Funny Things
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that collaboration always generates much better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Kids Saying Funny Things
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Kids Saying Funny Things
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• Most upset children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Kids Saying Funny Things
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give before anyone else. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you respect them as a person. Kids Saying Funny Things
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Kids Saying Funny Things
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Kids Saying Funny Things
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Kids Saying Funny Things
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually altered, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Kids Saying Funny Things
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Kids Saying Funny Things
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.