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When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Kids Sharing A Bed
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Kids Sharing A Bed
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Kids Sharing A Bed
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy child development Kids Sharing A Bed
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Kids Sharing A Bed
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Kids Sharing A Bed
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently produces much better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this design have figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Kids Sharing A Bed
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (and also a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Kids Sharing A Bed
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete meltdown the next. Instead of dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion below it
• A lot of mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard since you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following scenario … Kids Sharing A Bed
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to receive from our child, we must want to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Kids Sharing A Bed
This does not indicate you have to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Kids Sharing A Bed
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to fix the problem. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Kids Sharing A Bed
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Kids Sharing A Bed
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kids Sharing A Bed
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button below. Kids Sharing A Bed
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