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When I first came to be a mama, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Kids Sharing A Room
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Kids Sharing A Room
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Kids Sharing A Room
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas cause healthy and balanced child development Kids Sharing A Room
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Kids Sharing A Room
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they ask for Kids Sharing A Room
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration always yields much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Kids Sharing A Room
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (as well as more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Kids Sharing A Room
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion underneath it
• Many angry children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Kids Sharing A Room
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must want to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Kids Sharing A Room
This doesn’t imply you need to be a pushover. Yet it does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Kids Sharing A Room
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Kids Sharing A Room
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Kids Sharing A Room
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kids Sharing A Room
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Kids Sharing A Room
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