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When I first became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Kids Sharing Toys
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mom.Kids Sharing Toys
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Kids Sharing Toys
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other typically approved parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Kids Sharing Toys
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. But long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Kids Sharing Toys
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for Kids Sharing Toys
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere external compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Kids Sharing Toys
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently much easier (and more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Kids Sharing Toys
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary feeling below it
• The majority of upset children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … Kids Sharing Toys
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be eager to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. Kids Sharing Toys
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. Yet it does imply you can be kind when faced with conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Kids Sharing Toys
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Kids Sharing Toys
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Kids Sharing Toys
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. But gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kids Sharing Toys
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Kids Sharing Toys
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.