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When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Kids Solutions
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I became a mother.Kids Solutions
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Kids Solutions
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Kids Solutions
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Kids Solutions
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Kids Solutions
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Kids Solutions
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and also more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Kids Solutions
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling below it
• Many mad children are actually anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Kids Solutions
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as a person. Kids Solutions
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Kids Solutions
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any individual to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Kids Solutions
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Kids Solutions
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Kids Solutions
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Kids Solutions
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