Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Kids Stand Up To Bullying
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Kids Stand Up To Bullying
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Kids Stand Up To Bullying
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development Kids Stand Up To Bullying
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Kids Stand Up To Bullying
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Kids Stand Up To Bullying
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that cooperation always produces better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s how I was parented, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. Kids Stand Up To Bullying
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Kids Stand Up To Bullying
For example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling beneath it
• A lot of mad children are really frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following scenario … Kids Stand Up To Bullying
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Kids Stand Up To Bullying
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Kids Stand Up To Bullying
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Kids Stand Up To Bullying
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Kids Stand Up To Bullying
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Kids Stand Up To Bullying
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Kids Stand Up To Bullying
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.