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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Kids Talking Back
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Kids Talking Back
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Kids Talking Back
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as pretty much every other generally approved parenting technique.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Kids Talking Back
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought a different point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” might appear to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Kids Talking Back
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Kids Talking Back
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the reality that cooperation always generates much better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Kids Talking Back
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (as well as a lot more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Kids Talking Back
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• Most angry children are really frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Kids Talking Back
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we need to agree to provide before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as a person. Kids Talking Back
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Kids Talking Back
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to resolve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Kids Talking Back
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to fix conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Kids Talking Back
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kids Talking Back
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Kids Talking Back
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.