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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Kids Whining
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Kids Whining
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Kids Whining
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas bring about healthy and balanced child development Kids Whining
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” may appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Kids Whining
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Kids Whining
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration always generates far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Kids Whining
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically simpler (and more usual in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Kids Whining
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling below it
• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Kids Whining
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to receive from our child, we should be prepared to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Kids Whining
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Kids Whining
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any person to resolve the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Kids Whining
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Kids Whining
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kids Whining
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Kids Whining
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