Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Kindergarten Behavior Problems
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.Kindergarten Behavior Problems
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Kindergarten Behavior Problems
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Kindergarten Behavior Problems
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Kindergarten Behavior Problems
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Kindergarten Behavior Problems
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration consistently yields better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere external compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Kindergarten Behavior Problems
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often simpler (as well as more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Kindergarten Behavior Problems
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• Most upset children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Kindergarten Behavior Problems
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Kindergarten Behavior Problems
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. However it does indicate you can be kind despite disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Kindergarten Behavior Problems
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Kindergarten Behavior Problems
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Kindergarten Behavior Problems
This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kindergarten Behavior Problems
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Kindergarten Behavior Problems
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.